Eternal Sunshine

One of my favorite movies is "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". I envied how people in that movie could choose to erase someone out of their lives if they wanted to. How their memories can be distorted a little. I wanted that.

I wanted that until it happened to me. Waking up that day and not knowing anything that had happened to me past co-signing the on the car with Jon in early March was scary. I had changed; I changed a lot. I could honestly say I saw a stranger in the mirror. What I did at my job had changed. What I wore changed. I had a new piercing. I had shorter hair. I had actually dyed my hair the color I swore, as a natural blond, I would never go: black.
Jon looked different too. He got a haircut. Oh, he used to have long hair and I hated it. I would always beg him to get a haircut. Jon looks so good with that haircut. I believe it was one of the only good things I discovered when I woke up.
My life did not seem like my life anymore. I felt like I woke up in the middle of someone else's world. I spent my first hour crying. I wanted to go back to bed and wake back up in a time I can remember. I had friends I could not remember meeting. I no longer had friends I did not know I had lost. Everything was weird. I decided to tell the truth to people that day. I figured if I could let them know they could help me with this weird expierence.
I was very wrong. People are cruel. No matter how long you have known them. Only a few people, that I personally know, actually believe me. It pains me so much to believe that people think I am lying. One person said this was just a "scheme" so I could be pitied. I have really only been tortured by this. They said I came up with this "problem" so I could keep my job. Well, I am jobless. I guess my trick did not work out very well.

I guess my point is that I wish I could remember everything: the great times, the shitty times, and all the pointless times in between. My past shapes what I do, and who I am.