Playplace

Who thinks I am insane for having a strong fear of the tubes in a McDonald's playplace?
I would like everyone to put their hand's down now.
Thank you.



I am wiping up the drink station for, probably, the twentieth time
in the hour and my one of my asistant managers (No, not Mr. McCrush.
He, sadly, did not work today.) told me to go into the playplace and
ask the parent in the bathing suit where the accident is.
I, naively, assumed that it was a soda spill or a ketchup packet
that was squashed with a tiny shoe and left spilling its guts on the floor.

I was wrong.

The woman looked away from me when she said,
"I am sorry but my child peed somewhere in the
play tubes. I would clean it up but I can not go inside of them."

(The woman is shorter than me and carries less weight on her bones.)


I had to clean up PEE in the tubes.
The tubes I fear.


In case you are wondering, someone else works in the lobby
with me but she is in her sixties.
I could not have asked her to go inside the play tubes.
If she was even twenty years younger I would have asked.
I am that much afraid of the tubes.

Within five seconds of being inside the tubes I start
to feel like I am trapped and I know a panic attack is coming.
There is a strong smell of little kid feet, sweat, and piss
in the tubes.
I struggle to navigate my way through wondering how in
the hell I did it when I was younger.
My knees are on fire.
The panic attack hits before I find the pee.
A child stares at me while I try to calm down.
I move my hand just a millimeter forward to steady
myself and a wet sensation hits my palm.
Fuck, I just put my hand in some little kid's piss.
I start to gag.
The random child continues to stare at me, figures
out what just happened and cracks up laughing.
I, with as much politeness as I can muster at this point, ask
the child to please exit the tubes while I clean.
The child obeys and then tells the other children
outside of the playground from hell that "the McDonald's
working up there is playing in piss so we can't go up".



So I guess today I played in piss.
I deserve way more than minimum wage.